You're Perfect The Way You Are
by ThatOneWritter
Summary: Kendall is in love with his best friend and band mate James. He goes to extreme lengths to make himself "Perfect" for the one he loves. But what he doesn't know is that James thinks he's perfect the way he is. KAMES Slash boyxboy. Self harm, language, maybe some smut.
1. Chapter 1

Kendall leaned over the toilet, stuck his index finger at the back of his mouth and began to empty out everything in his stomach. As that acid feeling stung the back of his throat he stopped to let the pain ease away for a moment before repeating the same motion a few more times. When he was happy with how he felt, he flushed the toilet, washed his hands and exited the bathroom. He walked over to the large orange couch and took a seat beside his best friend (and secret crush) James. James was just sitting there reading a magazine and didn't know Kendall was even there until he said something. "Hey James." Kendall said in a small voice. James looked up from his reading and smiled at Kendall. "Hey Ken, what's up?" James asked. "Oh nothing much, you?" James put the magazine on the table to give Kendall his full attention. "Well I was just gonna go down to the pool and maybe see if one of the Jennifer's were free to go on a date with me tonight. You okay you were in the bathroom for a long time?" Kendall began to sweat a little bit as his heart rate went up but at the same time he had that crushing feeling. He was crushed that James wanted to even waste his time going after the Jennifer's seeing as they turn him down every time. His heart rate going up because he can't tell James why he was really in there. "I really had to go pee." Kendall lied. James nodded his head. "Okay, want to go down to the pool with me?" James asked using his million dollar smile. Kendall felt his heart melt at the very sight of his smile. He's been crushing on James ever since the seventh grade and couldn't get the brunette out of his mind. "Umm...Sure I'll be down in a few just let me get my swim trunks." And with that James got up and went out the door to the pool, leaving Kendall behind with his thoughts. No one knew what Kendall was doing to himself and trust me he's tried to stop but it's become like an addiction. When ever he's sad he does it, when something goes wrong he does it. Kind of like a drug addict. Kendall went into his shared room with James and changed into his swim trunks then made his way down to the pool. When he got there he saw James over by the Jennifers flirting it up with them and getting the attention of red dress Jennifer. Kendall felt jealousy pool inside of him and also hurt. Hurt because he knew James would never flirt with him in a million years. James is as straight as an arrow. Kendall is bisexual. He's had feeling for girls and has dated them but his feelings for James always come back ten times as stronger then before. Sighing, he sat down in the beach chair next to Logan and just closed his eyes. "Kendall you okay you look kind if glum." Kendall opened one eye to see a concerned Logan looking at him. "Yeah, just tired is all. No big deal." With that Logan went back to reading his book on physics. Kendall opened his eyes fully to find James. But he couldn't. So he got up and decided to look for him. Kendall went over to the other Jennifer's to see if they know where he went. "Hey do you know where James is?" "Yes, him and Jennifer went to the park." Kendall thanked them and made his way to the park. When he got there, there was a sight that broke his heart in half. James was sitting on a park bench making-out with red dress Jennifer. Before he could say or do anything to cause a scene, he went back to apartment 2J with tears in his eyes. He knew James didn't love him in a romantic way but it will always hurt his heart to see the person he loves the most kissing someone else. When he got inside the apartment he went right for the kitchen. He ate everything he could get his hands on, full boxes of cookies, a full ice cream bin, and other junk food he could get his hands on. When he was done eating it he ran for the bathroom. He flipped the toilet seat up, bent over the toilet, stuck his finger down his throat and threw up everything he just ate. And this time he just let the acid of his stomach burn his throat he didn't care. All he could think about was James kissing Jennifer. Why couldn't he be perfect like those girls James dates? Was another thought that crossed his mind. Tears feel from his eyes as he threw up what was left in his stomach. When he was done, he flushed the toilet, washed his hands and left the bathroom and went into his shared room. Kendall then changed into his night clothes. A grey sleeveless t-shirt and black pajama bottoms. He curled up in his bed and decided to take a small nap. The whole time he was thinking 'Perfect. You must be perfect, James will like we then.' 


	2. Chapter 2

James broke the kiss between him and Jennifer when he saw someone run away. Getting a closer look he saw it was Kendall from behind. _What's with Kendall?_ James thought to himself. "James? James!" He turned his attention back to red dress Jennifer who was looking at him with big brown eyes. Something inside of James just didn't feel right. Yes, he got to make-out with the girl he wanted, but something told him to go check up on his best friend. "Sorry Jennifer, but I'm going to have to run this a little short." He said to her as he got up and went back inside the Palmwoods to find Kendall. He wasn't in the lobby, the gym, or by the pool. Then something hit James. _M__aybe he went back the apartment. _He made his way over to the elevator and press the number two for the second floor. When the doors opened he made a dead be line for 2J. Looking around the crib he still didn't see Kendall any where. James walked to the start of the hallway and stopped when he heard the toilet flush. He heard one door open and close and then other. _That must be Kendall leaving the bathroom and going to our room. _James thought to himself. Slowly, he made his way to his shared bedroom and opened the door to see Kendall laying in his bedroom. James came in and closed the door behind him and quietly changed into his pajamas. James laid down on his bed and just started reading the rest of his magazine. Every now and then he would hear a sniffle or a light sob. James put his magazine down and got up to find what was making the sound.

When he got closer to Kendall's bed it got slightly louder but not by much. "Kendall, you okay?" James asked. The sniffles stopped and the room went silent. "Kendall?" James heard him shift on the bed before he spoke, "What?" Kendall asked in a soft tone. "Are you okay? I thought I heard sniffling." James asks. "Yeah I'm fine, just have a bit of a cold is all. Don't worry about it." Kendall answered but James wasn't one hundred percent convinced that that's what was wrong with Kendall. "But why did you run away today in the park?" James asked but got no reply from Kendall just light snoring. With a light sigh James let it go and decided to call it a day.

* * *

The next morning Kendall got up with a sting in both his eyes and throat, his muscles hurt all over. _I should know not to purge on days we have dance rehearsal,_ Kendall thought to himself as he slowly made his way out of his bed and walked over to the bathroom. When he was done in there he went back into the bedroom to change into a pair of grey sweat pants, white Vans, black t-shirt, and grey hoodie. Kendall then went out to the living room where he was greeted by all three of his best friends. "Morning Kendall, what's with the sad colors?" Logan asked looking at what Kendall was wearing. "I don't know, felt like wearing grey today." Kendall stated simply. Carlos was eating breakfast at the table with James, "Aren't you going to eat buddy?" Carlos asked with a mouth full of corndogs. "No, I might get something a little later." Kendall said as he was about to leave the crib when James grabbed his wrist, "Come on Kendall, we didn't have dinner last night you got to eat something." James said as he look Kendall in the eye. Knowing he wouldn't be left alone about this until he ate something, Kendall got out of James' grip and got a bowl of cereal.

When Kendall got done eating the little amount of cereal, he put his dishes in the sink and then made his way to the bathroom. He bent himself over the toilet quickly because the feeling of having any food in his stomach made him feel really sick. He forced himself to puke up his breakfast, when he was done he flushed the toilet and when he turned to wash his hands he locked eyes with Logan who was standing in the door way with a shocked look on his face. _Shit I didn't lock the door, _Kendall thought to himself. "What the hell was that Kendall?" Logan asked. "What was what?" Kendall asked trying to play dumb but knew it would work on Logan like it might work on Carlos or James. "You just purged your food!" Logan all but yelled. "Shh... Please don't tell anyone Logan." Kendall begged. "Why the hell shouldn't I? Kendall you have an eating disorder, how long have you been doing this?" Logan asked as he got closer to his sick best friend and closed the bathroom door behind him. "A few years now." Kendall relied looking away from his smart friend who took him into a friendly hug, in which Kendall hugged back.

"Kendall you need help and you need to stop. Promise me you will." Logan asked of his friend. Kendall thought about it for a moment and just so Logan would leave him alone he agreed. They left the bathroom and rejoin their other friends and Kendall knew since Logan didn't ask why he soon will.

~~Hours Later~~

Just as Kendall was finishing up with the guys on their last dance when all of a sudden Kendall felt a little light headed. He grabbed his bottle of water and took a few sips and sat down. "You okay Kendall you look a little pale." James asked with concern in his voice. Kendall rolled his eyes, "I'm fine now stop asking me if I'm okay you've been doing all day." Kendall answered in an annoyed tone of voice. James put his hands up in defence and went back to dancing. Kendall just sat there and watched him dance, and whenever James did a hip thrust Kendall had to bite back a moan from thinking James could be thrusting into him. He got up and went to the bathroom only this time not to purge but to relieve himself of some 'tension'. He cleaned himself up and went back to the dance hall and got yelled at by Gustavo for leaving in which he told him to back off and leave him alone.

They got done with dance rehearsal and Kendall got a text. He looked to see who from and it was Logan.

**You going to tell me why you're bulimic? -Logan**

Kendall sighed and texted back.

**Because I'm not perfect for someone I'm kind of in love with -Kendall**

**Who's that? -Logan**

**Promise not to tell? -Kendall**

**Promise -Logan**

**It's James... -Kendall**

For a few minutes Kendall didn't get a reply from Logan which he took as he thought he hates him now for liking a boy. And not just any boy but one of their best friends. Kendall was about to make himself purge when he got a text.

**Really? Never saw that coming, but James likes you the way you are Kendall you know that. -Logan**

**Yeah. But he doesn't love me. He loves those girls who are a size zero and are perfect looking a shit -Kendall**

And with that Kendall turned off his phone and didn't want to talk about it anymore. When they got back to the Palmwoods, Kendall said he had something to do. He went to the closest take-out place, ordered a shit ton of food, ate it and then went to a nearby washroom and purged it all up. The whole time he was thinking that James will love him some day if he keeps this up. When he was done he went back to the apartment for the rest of the night and watched a movie with the guys. "Where were you?" Logan asked. "I got a little something to eat." Kendall said and Logan frowned because he knew what he did. Kendall didn't care, he knew why he was doing this and wouldn't stop until he felt the time was right. _All for James_ he thought. Of course Kendall knew if James found out what he was doing he'd be very upset with him.

That's why he's hopping Logan can keep his mouth shut.


	3. Chapter 3

James' POV

I don't know what's been going on with Kendall lately but he's starting to scare me. Was it something I did or said? I'm brought out of my thoughts by my cell phone ring tone going off. I pull it out of my pocket to see that I got a text from Logan. What could he want we JUST saw each other. I open the text and it reads :

**If you want to know what's wrong with Kendall lately meet me in the park tonight around six okay? -Logan**

**Sure, I'll be there. -James**

I put my phone back in my pocket and think about all the things that Logan could tell me about Kendall, because god knows he won't tell me if something is wrong he's stubborn like that. Looking over at the clock on the wall and seeing that it's almost six, I get up off the couch and go down to the park to meet up with Logan about what he's going to tell me. A million things are running through my head. _What if he hates me for some odd reason? Did I upset him? Why did he tell Logan what's wrong and not all of us? We are his best friends too. _

I get to the park and sit on a bench waiting for Logan to show up. A few minutes later I see him coming over to me with a serious look on his face. Oh no. Serious Logan is never good this must be something big.

"Hey." I greet.

"Hey." He said as he took the seat next to me.

"So. What's up?" I say trying to lighten the mood but it doesn't really work.

"This is something you need to know because it concerns you." He says slowly.

I nod my head to wait for him to go on.

"Kendall is bulimic." He says flatly but when he looks at me he has tears in his eyes.

"What!?" I couldn't believe it. "Why?"

"He says..." Logan pauses for a moment thinking if he should tell me why or not. "Because he loves you and wants to be perfect for you."

My heart breaks at that news. Yes I'm happy he likes me because I really like him and I'd do anything for him. But the fact that he's doing that to himself for ME, just so he can be 'perfect' rips me up inside. Logan and I went back up to the apartment after we talked some more about it and I knew what I had to do.

Kendall's POV

I just took a nice long hot shower and when I got out I stepped on the scale and it read 120 pounds. Man do I really weight that much? I feel tears pool in my eyes at that number. I'm not skinny enough, why do I have to be so fat? No wonder James doesn't like me. With the towel around my waist I go into mine and James' shared bedroom and put on sweat pants, a baggy t-shirt, and a hoodie that could maybe fit two more people if I wasn't in it.

I hate my life. Why can't things just be going good for once? I crawl on my bed and bury my face in my pillow and lightly cry trying not to make a sound. I didn't hear the door open or close but I did feel someone sit by me on my bed. I look to see who it is and it's James looking at me with sad eyes.

"Kendall." He says softly.

*Sniff* "Yeah?" I say even softer.

"Stop making yourself throw up." He says flat out.

How did he find out that I, "H-how do y-you?"

"Logan told me. He also told me something else."

My heart started to pick up speed, I sat up and looked him in the eyes.

"He also said that you loved me and are doing this because of that. Is that true?"

"Y-yes." I stutter with a light sob looking away from him.

He brings his right hand to my chin to lift my gaze to his and I look him right in the eyes. Those eyes I could get lost in forever.

"Good, because I like you too." He says and before I could say anything he brings me in for a kiss. I kiss back and close my eyes loving every second of it. My heart is racing and I feel heat race to my cheeks so I must be blushing or something. He pulls away and looks me in the eyes again. "Kendall, you are a beautiful human being, don't do this to yourself. You're perfect the way you are, and that's what I love about you. I don't about what you look like. I love you for you and that's all that matters." He said and I felt happy tears come to my eyes and I rap my arms around him into a hug that I thought would never. "Kendall, will you be my boyfriend?"

"Yes, James I will." I said with a smile.

"Good, now you have to promise me you'll try hard to give up on throwing up everything you eat." He said sternly.

"I promise."


End file.
